when words abandon you

It was about 10 years ago that I had written fiction for the first time. I had written crap.
However, it was a time when I loved myself for what I wrote. I loved my detective fiction stories that were half borrowed from Enid Blyton, half made up. I prided myself on phrases and paragraphs that were made up of a gazillion grammatical errors and spelling mistakes.
They were also, however, made of passion. A passion for writing, a passion for the self.
A passion for the self.
When I entered high school, and later college, especially college, I lost that passion like it had never existed. Like it had only been a dream. So many brilliant writers and poets surrounded me that their accomplishments engulfed the whole of me like a tornado. I was breathless. I couldn’t write if my life depended on it. Words betrayed me. They left me.
And then, one fine day, just like that, the realisation dawned upon me that every one of those talented writers started from scratch. Their ocean of accolades was formed with tiny droplets. It didn’t matter how accomplished they were, what matters is that they write because they wish to, because it pleases them. Writing is like elixir to their soul.
A broken soul. That’s what we all claim to have. I knew what my sickness was, and I knew the remedy. I decided to write again.
I also decided that I won’t count on bombastic words and flowery metaphors to embellish my writing. Although I did worry that my work won’t  appeal to anyone, I’ve been growing out of that one since a close friend said, “As long as your work appeals to yourself, don’t worry about others.”
But again, what should I write when I have lost my passion and inspiration? What should I write when my head is like an empty bowl that I’m scraping for the cream that isn’t there? Only if my mind had a diary of its own to capture the words that escape as quickly as they arrive.
All I have is my heart that’s brimming with unsaid words- words that demand to be heard. And sometimes, that is all that matters. As long as you are capable of thought, you’re good to go.
That’s the thing about words, you see. You don’t need to adorn them, you just say them. Pour them out like wine from a bottle. Which is what I’ll do here, on my blog. I’m going to breathe out words, without thinking, without contemplating. Unless of course I need help with vocabulary. Not kidding.
When words abandon you, leave you stranded on a strange island, try to get yourself a little intoxicated. Not with alcohol, but desire. You’ll be surprised at how much your heart has to say.
To an awkwardly abrupt ending, and a beginning.

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63 thoughts on “when words abandon you

  1. You are right when you say that all that matters is letting words out. For the longest time I had a passionate love for the world and it’s happenings. For the longest time I had surpressed it saying “It doesn’t matter” , “You can’t accomplish anything with it”. Therefore, I never tried to say what I wanted to say. I was always on the lookout for opportunities to appear and sometimes they did only to be taken aways as swiftly as they came. “I would write” I’d say , “only if something’s to come out of it”. And therefore, I never said what I wanted to say.

    So one day out of frustration I flipped open my laptop , wrote my heart out and decided to submit my work to an online news publication. It didn’t work out. I tried to makeyself an opportunity and it dissapeared, again. But this time for the love of politics I looked up some blog websites and made an acocunt on word press. And that culminated in this blog.
    (P.s. Medium is a better platform in my opinion. I guess I’ll write my second peice originally on Medium and then copy it to WordPress. Seeing that this is your first step too , you should check out Medium)
    This comment is too long to spell check on my mobile phone without discomfort so I’m not going to. I hope i was able to get my message to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Firstly, thank you for going through what I had to say, and having an opinion. It was a real boost, given that it’s only been a few hours that I started writing, after 10 years.
      And secondly, I am glad that you are able to make it out of your shell. So many of us are trying to do the same thing. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. This is so beautiful. It’s really amazing the way you have put up your feelings into words. And that’s exactly how writing works. I hope you get more inspiration and write further. I would love to read more from you. 😊

    Like

  3. Writing has been an evolution for me – its a balance of letting myself write freely, but then also having standards as well. Never easy, but always rewarding. Wishing you the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love that your friend said “as long as your work appeals to yourself don’t worry about others”, of course we want others to read what we write, but I agree that as long as you are happy with what you write, that is all that matters.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. “Comparison is the thief of joy” –T Roosevelt

    I’m happy that you were able to see that. Write what you know and what you love and leave everything else behind. Your friend was so right in saying that, as long as you enjoy what you’re writing, keep writing. Be as intoxicating and intoxicated as you want to be; you’ll get better as you go.

    Good luck and happy reading.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “I lost that passion like it never existed.” So sad and true of many things in life. I have said to my self. “I used to love doing that.” For me writing was one of them. Like you I’ve found my way back into the arms of writing; passion abounds. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Hi, I’d like to tell you about a guy who twirls a large pizza sign as traffic flows buy, he’s try to drum up business for a local pizzeria. I pass him on my daily walk to the grocery store. He stands on the corner at a traffic light and we chat. His name is Anthony and he is a poet, he dances to oops music as his crazy hair flies about and he always give me a new poem. I call him the traffic light poet, and it’s not just myself who are drawn to his, people call out to him as they pass in their cars. I tell him never stop writing. I think you never know who you touch with you words.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. A nice recap of your history of being an author , should we have more of these .. I do not write blogs too often but I am writing a humongous book that will become the bases of a television serial ..I will share it with all bloggers and seek their opinion ..

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Truly inspirational dear!

    Us writers know these feelings all too well and could always use a reminder to stop comparing ourselves to others and to simply love what we do and do what we love 🙂

    Thank you for writing.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Pingback: when words abandon you — An Intoxicated Storyteller | Arrowhead Freelance and Publishing

  11. Pingback: When words abandoned you – Vistas

  12. Truly agree. When there are no visitors, or comments in a post i take to it that maybe the post is not really good enough for appreciation. This dejects and feels like i really dont have the thing. Truly relate every bit of the post 👍

    Like

  13. This was beautiful and very well written. I, too, struggle with wanting to appeal to others. I think I’ll take that same advice and write what appeals to me. Thank you for sharing, and keep up the good work.

    Liked by 1 person

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